Today's music is Sara Groves' song based on of one of my favorite hymns: He's Always Been Faithful.
I feel that I've gotten the chance to really experience the words of this song in the last couple weeks. It's almost as if I have been on a long journey, and am now making my way forward after returning.
The journey begins with a skype call finding out that my grandfather a bit unexpectedly went to be with Jesus. It was strange how even in the suddenness of the loss, I felt a little bit at peace about it. It felt like it would have been harder to see our Papa, so strong in so many ways, wasting away little by little. But, it would have been easier to prepare hearts for it then, I suppose. I still had to teach that day, after finding out, but somehow it was better that way--keeping my mind off of it.
For me, one of the biggest fears of being away from home and of thinking about possibly living overseas longterm has been the fear of losing someone close to me, and just being stuck in the grief: unable to go home because of lack of funds, or inability to take time off or something. I always assumed that if it happened, I would have to deal with it alone and far away from my family. And this time, I figured it would be the same, until one of my coworkers asked, "Will you go back for the funeral?"
I had never even dared to hope that was an option, but as my community here surrounded me with love that day, no one ever made any comments that discouraged that idea. So I dared to hope, and talked with Jae and Karen, who let me know that whatever I decided to do, they would help me work it out, whether that meant covering my last couple classes before our vacation week, or asking community members for funds to help cover the plane ticket.
I was really embarassed to have to ask for money. It wasn't for a missions trip or for a charity thing, it was just little old me, for my personal use. It felt like too much to ask of anyone, and a test for my pride even when I deperately wanted to go.
Well, I didn't even have to make a formal request; I merely mentioned that I would need to ask for money and my fellow teachers stepped up and paid for 1/3 of my trip costs. Not only this, but Karen and Kaia took over my classes, so I didn't even have to worry about that at all. I was floored by my community's generosity.
It felt like it was a direct message from God letting me know that he was looking out for me, specifically providing the things I really needed right at that moment. I can't thank my family here enough for being the hands and feet of Jesus in a time where I really needed it. I love you guys!
So, I headed home on April 25th in the morning, to get home on April 25th in the afternoon...time zones can be useful when you want to get somewhere quickly!
Seeing Mercy at the airport for the first time, I was struck by how big her head had gotten. Not in a figurative sense; she wasn't arrogant or anything. Her actual noggin seemed to have grown. And as every older sibling knows, nothing brings out the waterworks like a little sibling being a lot bigger than you remember. It was so nice to fit back into my family so well...other than growing taller, nothing seemed to have changed. The gps in the car was still finicky; our car was still messy. The sky was just as blue and high as it was, and fields just as wide.
I went directly to my Grandmother's house where all my extended family had gathered and we spent some good time just being together that evening. I got to practice speaking a little Korean with my Aunt and enjoyed the antics of her oldest son, my cousin Josh. In the midst of a room with mostly adults, he marched in and asked, completely seriously, "Ok...who wants to play minecraft in real life?" Cracked me right up.
The next morning, we attended the least funeral-like funeral I have ever been too. It felt like a farewell party! The rollicking Salvation Army tunes, funny and meaningful stories from Papa's life and a rousing gospel message left me crying not from emptiness but from a profound sense of fullness. What a life! and what a gift that I got to be a small part of it and get to be blessed by Papa's legacy even now. There was as much laughter as there were tears on that day.
Coming away from reflecting on Papa's life and how he blessed people, I want to be more intentional in a few ways.
Papa was a champion prayer, and I want to be someone who comes to Jesus constantly like he did. Many people mentioned as well how much Papa saw the potential in people instead of their faults; he was positive when it came to people. I want to call out the best in people like that! including in myself. I want to work at using every opportunity that I am with people to make Jesus a little more real to them. Papa was amazing at never missing chances to show Jesus to people; I want to be that kind of person too. I also want to be a person that checks up on people and show genuine interest in how they are doing. Too many times I am too wrapped up in myself to show care toward other people, and I would like to work on changing that.
Time at home was a real blessing, hanging with some of my best people and getting a chance to talk with my parents, siblings and friends in person was amazing. I felt like it was a great time of spiritual and emotional rejuvenation and left me feeling hungry for growth in those areas.
I feel ready to make these last three months in Korea be extremely rich! Pray for me as I try to live a more intentional life here.
Thanks for reading!
-Abby
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Easter People
Today, I've been listening to a worship compilation, and was reminded about how much I like this song: Stronger by Hillsong.
I'm starting this blog on Maunday Thursday, feeling pretty worn out. I spent most of last night dozing a little and waking up suddenly in a panic to check for more news about Papa, my grandfather, who is in very critical condition at a hospital back home. It's hard to describe exactly what it feels like to be far away from home when things like this are happening...if you've been there you know it. For me it's like I am half here and half sort of floating around somewhere in some kind of world where there are just question marks. I can't even say that I'm half here, and half at home, because it's just too far. I have moments where it doesn't feel real at all, like it's some kind of story I'm hearing that I'm not apart of, and other times I feel it fully and emotions either hit me like a ton of bricks or I just sort of feel like I'm empty. To continue getting through work days where you need to be on all day, you have to sort of keep yourself in this type of "story-I'm-not-apart-of-zone" through willpower...so it can be tiring. Like pushing back against a door that has no latch and there's a windstorm outside. I'm glad I'm teaching and not sitting at a desk, because my students are great distractions.
And then there is the tough stuff that is happening around me and my family that doesn't deal with us directly, but is heavy on my heart: the fires in Valparaiso; the sunken Ferry near Jeju. The kind of loss that is going there makes any kind of loss I'm feeling seem like it should be insignificant.
In the midst of all this, here we have come to Holy Week. Somehow it seems both incredibly fitting and jarringly constrastive to the situation. It seems like we're living in a perpetual combination of Good Friday and the Saturday after, and it seems pretty unbelievable that there is a resurrection coming anytime soon.
I have not been feeling like one of the Easter People that you hear preached about. It's hard to remember that life is coming when all you can think about is how just absolutely awful death is. I guess it's a "natural part of life" in the sense that it inevitably happens and we've grown to reluctantly expect it, but I really don't think it's natural at all. Death always feels a bit like something has gone wrong. Because truly, it has. We were meant for life; Easter is about God making it available again. So in that sense, maybe living in this grey haze during Holy Week is something of a blessing. I'm really feeling a deep need for Easter, for the promise of life--physically and spiritually.
We had a footwashing this morning in our community devotions. Perhaps it felt sort of thrown together to some, or kind of like tradition for the sake of tradition, but it was so meaningful for me. The action of footwashing reminds me of the care of people, service, and being there for each other; every time I get to participate in it, the physical action brings to mind all the people who have been there for me, and reaffirms for me the beauty of service in Jesus' name. Maundy Thursday at Fairivew Ave Brethren in Christ is one of my most favorite things, and this morning brought a little taste of that. It was sweet sweet sweet to a tired and sad heart.
So bring on Sunday! further up and further in, as C.S. Lewis says.
I'm starting this blog on Maunday Thursday, feeling pretty worn out. I spent most of last night dozing a little and waking up suddenly in a panic to check for more news about Papa, my grandfather, who is in very critical condition at a hospital back home. It's hard to describe exactly what it feels like to be far away from home when things like this are happening...if you've been there you know it. For me it's like I am half here and half sort of floating around somewhere in some kind of world where there are just question marks. I can't even say that I'm half here, and half at home, because it's just too far. I have moments where it doesn't feel real at all, like it's some kind of story I'm hearing that I'm not apart of, and other times I feel it fully and emotions either hit me like a ton of bricks or I just sort of feel like I'm empty. To continue getting through work days where you need to be on all day, you have to sort of keep yourself in this type of "story-I'm-not-apart-of-zone" through willpower...so it can be tiring. Like pushing back against a door that has no latch and there's a windstorm outside. I'm glad I'm teaching and not sitting at a desk, because my students are great distractions.
And then there is the tough stuff that is happening around me and my family that doesn't deal with us directly, but is heavy on my heart: the fires in Valparaiso; the sunken Ferry near Jeju. The kind of loss that is going there makes any kind of loss I'm feeling seem like it should be insignificant.
In the midst of all this, here we have come to Holy Week. Somehow it seems both incredibly fitting and jarringly constrastive to the situation. It seems like we're living in a perpetual combination of Good Friday and the Saturday after, and it seems pretty unbelievable that there is a resurrection coming anytime soon.
I have not been feeling like one of the Easter People that you hear preached about. It's hard to remember that life is coming when all you can think about is how just absolutely awful death is. I guess it's a "natural part of life" in the sense that it inevitably happens and we've grown to reluctantly expect it, but I really don't think it's natural at all. Death always feels a bit like something has gone wrong. Because truly, it has. We were meant for life; Easter is about God making it available again. So in that sense, maybe living in this grey haze during Holy Week is something of a blessing. I'm really feeling a deep need for Easter, for the promise of life--physically and spiritually.
We had a footwashing this morning in our community devotions. Perhaps it felt sort of thrown together to some, or kind of like tradition for the sake of tradition, but it was so meaningful for me. The action of footwashing reminds me of the care of people, service, and being there for each other; every time I get to participate in it, the physical action brings to mind all the people who have been there for me, and reaffirms for me the beauty of service in Jesus' name. Maundy Thursday at Fairivew Ave Brethren in Christ is one of my most favorite things, and this morning brought a little taste of that. It was sweet sweet sweet to a tired and sad heart.
So bring on Sunday! further up and further in, as C.S. Lewis says.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
April, come she will
You might have thought it would have been a little S&G for the blog music due to the title, but I think I already used that song, so instead have a listen to my currect favorite worship song, introduced to me by Susanna Miller. Thanks Zanna! Oceans by Hillsong.
Sarah Jill's wedding in March was just lovely and a great time to see everyone. It was very interesting too, quite different from a typical Western wedding. One difference is that people don't bring gifts, but instead bring a certain sum of money that covers their meal plus a little more, which will go to the parents of the bride and groom, who usually pay for the wedding. Another difference is that there wasn't any time of saying vows. The bride and groom actually didn't speak at all. I know there is a more traditional style ceremony that sometimes follows the sort of modernized Korean style wedding where the bride and groom wear hanbok...perhaps there is more speaking done then, I'm not sure. So that was one of the biggest differences between the weddings I'm used to and this one: no speaking done by the bride and groom.
After the wedding, I went with Yoonseo to meet his parents...yikes! It was the first time I had met them since Chuseok last year, and my status was now 'girlfriend' so it was a little nerve-wracking. I shouldn't have been so nervous, because they were extraordinarily kind: they told me I could come and visit them if I miss my family, wanted me to learn Korean quickly so they could talk to me, and his mom said she would teach me to cook Korean food. I hope I can do as they hope and learn Korean fast...it was hard to focus for just the brief time we were there, trying to catch as much Korean as I could. But it helped to further solidify my determinedness to get better. It's kind of a pain that language learning takes so much time...what I wouldn't give for a Matrix chip in my brain...
We then headed to a retreat with our Conneus and KOPI staff, which was so wonderful! My two favorite parts of the retreat were organized by Kaia. One was a writing exercise where we paired together in twos and walked around to different pieces of paper that had certain words written on them, like "Blessing" or "Family" or something like that. We had to write what came to mind when we read that word, or what we associated with that word, and got to share a little with our partner. I was paired with Hyesun, one of the new KOPI interns that I didn't know well yet, so it was so neat to spend some time with her and learn a little about what is important to her and what she thinks about certain topics. I also loved going to the beach as a group and walking along and talking through a semi-organized Stroll-And-Chat, again with people that you didn't know well yet. It was a sort of safe and non-pressure way to spend a little quality time with people.
Actually through the word writing exercise, I discovered something about myself. One of the papers had "Needs" written on it, and after the visit with Yoonseo's parents where I hadn't be able to communicate like I wanted to, I realized how important good communication is to me. I'm really bad at 'sensing' the situation and knowing how people are doing without them telling me, or knowing how to help somene without them communicating it to me. I feel frustrated when I feel in the dark about something that I feel I should know, or if I can't adequately express myself to someone when it's important; so I wrote "Good communication" on the paper. While I can't change how people interact with me, I want to work on this in myself, becoming someone that people feel they can communicate well with and who listens well and expresses themselves instead of staying silent. This of course ties right in with learning Korean better...everything seems to be coming down to that these days...
As for this month, this past weekend I had a fun visit with Janae, a pal of mine from Messiah who went to Oxford with me and who I roomed with one semester. It was awesome to catch up on our lives and share my experience in Korea with someone from back home. We had some great adventures to the National Museum and to the Hanok Village in Namsan where we tried on some Hanbok, which was something I had been wanting to do! Thanks Janae for being such a wonderful guest and for the great chats! Not to mention watching some America's Next Top Model....totally hooked on this season now he he he.
On the Connexus side of things, I wanted to report that my 5:30 class came through Enrichment month stronger academically and they are able to keep up with the Green level work! Yoochan still is lower in pretty much everything, but I really hope he will continue to study the Phonics 2 stuff at home so that he can catch himself up. Nevertheless, so far he is also doing ok and doesn't seem overwhelmed by the work. But the thing I am most delighted with is that the attitude in this class is really different, especially in Yoobin. The other day in class she asked to borrow some notebook paper from a classmate to write down new words I was teaching without prompting from me. After struggling to get her to even sit up in her chair, that felt like a water-into-wine style miracle. She also hasn't missed a single homework assignment this month when she used to be one of the biggest offenders in that area. Huge answer to prayer!
But of course, (here's the pessimist coming out) things don't stay good too long...right around the time 5:30 class was shaping up, my 6:30 class started really getting out of control. I have one student, Raphael who is more than a handful. He does not close his mouth from the moment he gets in class and will not respond to requests to be quiet or wait his turn. And he isn't speaking English most of the time. He's making dinosaur noises, singing, or what have you. He's also not in his chair. He is hiding behind it, or on the floor in front of the board, or under the table. Or, as a recent development, he is taking off his clothes. We've met with the class several times for some restorative discipline and he always is very subdued and knows the words to say...but right after he is right back to it.
It's definitely stemming out of problems at home. He's come to Connexus several times very upset because his mother hit him at home before he came...if she is hitting him, I'm sure he's getting verbal abuse too. If a little guy like that feels totally out of control of what happens to him at home, you can bet he is going to try to take control where he can, and at Connexus is one place where he can make the entire hour revolve around him if he wants it to. I feel really badly, because I feel like there isn't really much I can do to help him...he needs counseling. Seriously. Even our grammar teacher Juyoung can hardly stand to teach him. Man. Tough stuff.
But mostly, since I've written last, there's been a lot of blessing, so here are some sources of blessing lately:
1. Yoonseo. Thanks for making me smile and laugh every day! I'm so glad I have an optimist around who always helps me not to brood like a hero in a Victorian Gothic novel.
2. The Bible Study Gals: Kate, Kaia, Anna, Sarah and Karen. Your support, listening ears and wisdom are pure richness for me.
3. Beautiful weather and cherry blossoms blooming everywhere.
4. My cutie students. There are ones that misbehave and stress me out, but most of them are just so much fun!
Quotes from the Community:
"I'm just trying to print this...it's moving at the speed of...constipation." -Anna
Heather: "Lomie, do you like big corporations?"
Lomie: "Yes!"
Sarah: "Lomie do you like Mom and Pop stores?"
Lomie: "No!"
Sarah: "Well, don't tell your mom that..."
"Please think of Sarah's face...and save it."-Anna
"Michael, I wish and I wash. I'm not wishy-washy." -Heather.
"Let's go shopping!"-Michael.
"Go to whatever rest stop you want. Pee gracefully."-Jae
"There is birth, there there is death, there is another birth. This is from the Holy Spirit and is called BowChickaWowWow. How biblical!" --Yoonseo gives a lesson in theology.
I was in my school talent show! I rapped...about chess. ...but I'm way cooler now!" -Anna
Sarah Jill's wedding in March was just lovely and a great time to see everyone. It was very interesting too, quite different from a typical Western wedding. One difference is that people don't bring gifts, but instead bring a certain sum of money that covers their meal plus a little more, which will go to the parents of the bride and groom, who usually pay for the wedding. Another difference is that there wasn't any time of saying vows. The bride and groom actually didn't speak at all. I know there is a more traditional style ceremony that sometimes follows the sort of modernized Korean style wedding where the bride and groom wear hanbok...perhaps there is more speaking done then, I'm not sure. So that was one of the biggest differences between the weddings I'm used to and this one: no speaking done by the bride and groom.
After the wedding, I went with Yoonseo to meet his parents...yikes! It was the first time I had met them since Chuseok last year, and my status was now 'girlfriend' so it was a little nerve-wracking. I shouldn't have been so nervous, because they were extraordinarily kind: they told me I could come and visit them if I miss my family, wanted me to learn Korean quickly so they could talk to me, and his mom said she would teach me to cook Korean food. I hope I can do as they hope and learn Korean fast...it was hard to focus for just the brief time we were there, trying to catch as much Korean as I could. But it helped to further solidify my determinedness to get better. It's kind of a pain that language learning takes so much time...what I wouldn't give for a Matrix chip in my brain...
We then headed to a retreat with our Conneus and KOPI staff, which was so wonderful! My two favorite parts of the retreat were organized by Kaia. One was a writing exercise where we paired together in twos and walked around to different pieces of paper that had certain words written on them, like "Blessing" or "Family" or something like that. We had to write what came to mind when we read that word, or what we associated with that word, and got to share a little with our partner. I was paired with Hyesun, one of the new KOPI interns that I didn't know well yet, so it was so neat to spend some time with her and learn a little about what is important to her and what she thinks about certain topics. I also loved going to the beach as a group and walking along and talking through a semi-organized Stroll-And-Chat, again with people that you didn't know well yet. It was a sort of safe and non-pressure way to spend a little quality time with people.
Actually through the word writing exercise, I discovered something about myself. One of the papers had "Needs" written on it, and after the visit with Yoonseo's parents where I hadn't be able to communicate like I wanted to, I realized how important good communication is to me. I'm really bad at 'sensing' the situation and knowing how people are doing without them telling me, or knowing how to help somene without them communicating it to me. I feel frustrated when I feel in the dark about something that I feel I should know, or if I can't adequately express myself to someone when it's important; so I wrote "Good communication" on the paper. While I can't change how people interact with me, I want to work on this in myself, becoming someone that people feel they can communicate well with and who listens well and expresses themselves instead of staying silent. This of course ties right in with learning Korean better...everything seems to be coming down to that these days...
As for this month, this past weekend I had a fun visit with Janae, a pal of mine from Messiah who went to Oxford with me and who I roomed with one semester. It was awesome to catch up on our lives and share my experience in Korea with someone from back home. We had some great adventures to the National Museum and to the Hanok Village in Namsan where we tried on some Hanbok, which was something I had been wanting to do! Thanks Janae for being such a wonderful guest and for the great chats! Not to mention watching some America's Next Top Model....totally hooked on this season now he he he.
On the Connexus side of things, I wanted to report that my 5:30 class came through Enrichment month stronger academically and they are able to keep up with the Green level work! Yoochan still is lower in pretty much everything, but I really hope he will continue to study the Phonics 2 stuff at home so that he can catch himself up. Nevertheless, so far he is also doing ok and doesn't seem overwhelmed by the work. But the thing I am most delighted with is that the attitude in this class is really different, especially in Yoobin. The other day in class she asked to borrow some notebook paper from a classmate to write down new words I was teaching without prompting from me. After struggling to get her to even sit up in her chair, that felt like a water-into-wine style miracle. She also hasn't missed a single homework assignment this month when she used to be one of the biggest offenders in that area. Huge answer to prayer!
But of course, (here's the pessimist coming out) things don't stay good too long...right around the time 5:30 class was shaping up, my 6:30 class started really getting out of control. I have one student, Raphael who is more than a handful. He does not close his mouth from the moment he gets in class and will not respond to requests to be quiet or wait his turn. And he isn't speaking English most of the time. He's making dinosaur noises, singing, or what have you. He's also not in his chair. He is hiding behind it, or on the floor in front of the board, or under the table. Or, as a recent development, he is taking off his clothes. We've met with the class several times for some restorative discipline and he always is very subdued and knows the words to say...but right after he is right back to it.
It's definitely stemming out of problems at home. He's come to Connexus several times very upset because his mother hit him at home before he came...if she is hitting him, I'm sure he's getting verbal abuse too. If a little guy like that feels totally out of control of what happens to him at home, you can bet he is going to try to take control where he can, and at Connexus is one place where he can make the entire hour revolve around him if he wants it to. I feel really badly, because I feel like there isn't really much I can do to help him...he needs counseling. Seriously. Even our grammar teacher Juyoung can hardly stand to teach him. Man. Tough stuff.
But mostly, since I've written last, there's been a lot of blessing, so here are some sources of blessing lately:
1. Yoonseo. Thanks for making me smile and laugh every day! I'm so glad I have an optimist around who always helps me not to brood like a hero in a Victorian Gothic novel.
2. The Bible Study Gals: Kate, Kaia, Anna, Sarah and Karen. Your support, listening ears and wisdom are pure richness for me.
3. Beautiful weather and cherry blossoms blooming everywhere.
4. My cutie students. There are ones that misbehave and stress me out, but most of them are just so much fun!
Quotes from the Community:
"I'm just trying to print this...it's moving at the speed of...constipation." -Anna
Heather: "Lomie, do you like big corporations?"
Lomie: "Yes!"
Sarah: "Lomie do you like Mom and Pop stores?"
Lomie: "No!"
Sarah: "Well, don't tell your mom that..."
"Please think of Sarah's face...and save it."-Anna
"Michael, I wish and I wash. I'm not wishy-washy." -Heather.
"Let's go shopping!"-Michael.
"Go to whatever rest stop you want. Pee gracefully."-Jae
"There is birth, there there is death, there is another birth. This is from the Holy Spirit and is called BowChickaWowWow. How biblical!" --Yoonseo gives a lesson in theology.
I was in my school talent show! I rapped...about chess. ...but I'm way cooler now!" -Anna
Thursday, March 20, 2014
I've lived a clockful of years!
Today's blog music is the wedding song we will be singing for a friend's wedding this weekend. The lyrics are really beautiful, especially the second verse, I think. Please enjoy Give Yourself To Love by Kate Wolf.
My brother pointed out to me the other day that this birthday was special for me because I have lived as many years as there are hours on the clock. This is definitely cool, because somehow it makes me feel like this next year can be like "a new day." It's past midnight now, and I'm heading towards a new morning.
See what living in the land of cutesy has done to me? I am getting a little cheesey, I think. But I'm feeling more optimistic these days.
Turning a year older is a perfect time to reflect on the days of yore though. Today in the teacher's office we talked about saving up for stuff as kids and how some of us were better at it than others. My one success as a child for saving up for something big was an American Girl doll...which got Kate and talking about our favorite games to play with our dolls. Kate joins the group of us who played less house related games with our dolls and more "escape from the villians" or the myriad of "we are orphans in dire circumstances including perhaps all of our limbs are broken" type games.
What is it with children and pretending to be orphans? how morbid is that. We were so weird.
But then, my students remind me of the weirdness of children every day. Today in my 4:30 class, Susan and Eileen and Cindy discussed being sick and how the yellow dust in the air (thanks China!) was maybe a reason for why Susan was feeling a little sick. I told them that Anna was feeling a little sick too, in her nose, so maybe she had breathed too much dust too.
They then proceeded to draw a giant nose on the board with cavernous nostrils and tell me that "Teacher if Anna teacher's nose is this big then there will be a lot of dust inside and maybe a tree." Then they added a cute little pine tree inside the left nostril. So be careful Anna, you don't want to accidently grow a tree inside your nose. The ENT downstairs might be stumped by that one....
Other neat things in my classes has been a successful (so far) restorative discipline meeting with my troublesome 5:30 class. Jae and Yoonseo and all the interns came to my classroom, so the adults were outnumbering the kids by far. Pretty intimidating, but I think that was exactly what was needed. They just have had repeated behavior problems and just weren't taking the problem seriously. It ended up being really good and they were able to come with a list of promises that they wanted to help each other keep and we posted it on our classroom wall. I have seen some improvement, and I know they will need reminding, but it was so good to see that they were finally taking class seriously. Huge answer to prayer!
This weekend we are headed to Gangneung, Yoonseo's hometown for Sarah Jill's wedding. Sarah used to word with NARPI and did some substitute teaching for Connexus too. We have the great honor of singing her wedding song, which you can listen to in the link I posted at the top. We are also having a staff retreat, the first since the addition of three new KOPI interns. I'm excited to have some time to get to know everyone better.
Two of the interns, Minjung and Hyesun are doing a language exchange with Anna and I. We are meeting on Wednesday nights to have conversation in Korean and English and check each other's journals; Anna and I will write in Korean and Minjung and Hyesun will write in English. I am really excited to get the chance to practice Korean and become better friends with people we're working and living alongside. Minjung is actually in my cooking group on Mondays and also goes to Grace and Peace church with us.
I'm still collecting quotes, so instead enjoy some little updates from the community. Thanks for reading!
Community News:
* After spending many great months with us, Juhee decided it was time for a change, and so now we have a new grammar teacher, Jiyoung Park, who is just lovely and is great to have in the office! I'm looking forward to getting to know her better too as she is taking Juhee's place as one of my cooking partners as well.
* On March 17, I made omurice for lunch and let it be known to all that Omonim said that it was delicious and I did well. I wrote it on my calendar.
* One of my friends from Messiah is coming to Connexus to teach! Michaela, I am so pumped!
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Tonsillitis and a case of Inadequacy
Today's blog music is again some Sleeping at Last, a song I feel like I need to take to heart these days: You Are Enough by Sleeping At Last. Whoops, already feeling weepy....Sorry, this one is more of a personal blog rather than a news update.
I've been sick.
For almost two weeks now, first a weird fever-y stomach thing that then morphed into an ear-throat-nose deal that I found out today from the doctor is Tonsillitis. No, don't worry, not the kind that requires surgery, but the kind that can turn into strep pretty quick, and felt like it was well on its way there.
Anyway, the visit to the doctors brought into focus another kind of sickness I've been suffering: Inadeqaucy. 부적임.Big time megacity.
Not feeling well physically kind of puts a lot of things into perspective, but can also give you usually unhelpful mix of self-pity and lots of time to think.
So far I've reflected quite extensively on the fact that I can't go on double dates with my boyfriend with getting a fever halfway through, I can't play sports well (especially ping pong), I can't understand or speak Korean as well as I feel like I should, I can't go to a Korean wedding without being ultra awkward greeting people, and I can't visit the doctor and have him suck the pus out of my throat without bursting into tears.
Yep, that happened at the doctor's this morning. Reaaalll classy. I was instantly embarassed, but the truth was, I was scared. I couldn't understand what the doctor was saying to me, and they moved so quickly I didn't know what was going on until suddenly there was a suction in my throat, poking at my sore tonsils. It hurt, and I gagged and out came the waterworks.
Surprisingly, I missed the U.S. a lot in that moment. I missed good old Mont Alto Family Practice and the physician's assistant telling me what they were planning on doing to me before they did it, and telling me why they were giving me a shot, and giving said shot in the arm instead of the butt (why is that necessary? as if I needed another reason to feel uncomfortable).
I think the excessive reaction was mostly a result of other pent up feelings of not feeling good enough: not strong enough, not experienced enough, not capable enough to handle what is needed to live here as a "foreigner" and an English teacher. I know my skin should be thicker, that I should be braver, that I should eat more kimchi, that I should be more interesting girlfriend, that I should be and do a lot of things I'm not currently. But the truth is, I'm not there yet. I need to grow more. I know it.
But I also don't need to let the awareness that I need to grow consume me and make me feel like I need to hide away like a tulip bulb until I'm 'ready' to come out. Reality is that we need to be growing our entire lives. We're never 'done.' We're always growing with God, and we're never adaquate without him. There isn't really a timeline of how 'done' we ought to be at a certain point either. There is no official manual that has a chapter labeled "What You Should Be Able To Handle After Living In Korea For Almost 10 Months." No one is evaluating my progress and judging my worth as a person based on it. No one is writing me a report card circling the numbers in each category and deciding whether I'm behind or not.
Oh yeah, except for me.
And I need to quit it.
So it's ok that I suck at ping pong. It's ok that I think some kimchi is too sour and is gross. It's ok that I can never remember the name of my favorite sauce in Korean and can't understand the doctor. It's ok that I baked those jammy scones a little longer than I should have. It's ok that I am a little boring and talk too much about books to Yoonseo. It's ok. I'm enough. I'm still growing with Jesus, but with him-- I'm enough.
I've been sick.
For almost two weeks now, first a weird fever-y stomach thing that then morphed into an ear-throat-nose deal that I found out today from the doctor is Tonsillitis. No, don't worry, not the kind that requires surgery, but the kind that can turn into strep pretty quick, and felt like it was well on its way there.
Anyway, the visit to the doctors brought into focus another kind of sickness I've been suffering: Inadeqaucy. 부적임.Big time megacity.
Not feeling well physically kind of puts a lot of things into perspective, but can also give you usually unhelpful mix of self-pity and lots of time to think.
So far I've reflected quite extensively on the fact that I can't go on double dates with my boyfriend with getting a fever halfway through, I can't play sports well (especially ping pong), I can't understand or speak Korean as well as I feel like I should, I can't go to a Korean wedding without being ultra awkward greeting people, and I can't visit the doctor and have him suck the pus out of my throat without bursting into tears.
Yep, that happened at the doctor's this morning. Reaaalll classy. I was instantly embarassed, but the truth was, I was scared. I couldn't understand what the doctor was saying to me, and they moved so quickly I didn't know what was going on until suddenly there was a suction in my throat, poking at my sore tonsils. It hurt, and I gagged and out came the waterworks.
Surprisingly, I missed the U.S. a lot in that moment. I missed good old Mont Alto Family Practice and the physician's assistant telling me what they were planning on doing to me before they did it, and telling me why they were giving me a shot, and giving said shot in the arm instead of the butt (why is that necessary? as if I needed another reason to feel uncomfortable).
I think the excessive reaction was mostly a result of other pent up feelings of not feeling good enough: not strong enough, not experienced enough, not capable enough to handle what is needed to live here as a "foreigner" and an English teacher. I know my skin should be thicker, that I should be braver, that I should eat more kimchi, that I should be more interesting girlfriend, that I should be and do a lot of things I'm not currently. But the truth is, I'm not there yet. I need to grow more. I know it.
But I also don't need to let the awareness that I need to grow consume me and make me feel like I need to hide away like a tulip bulb until I'm 'ready' to come out. Reality is that we need to be growing our entire lives. We're never 'done.' We're always growing with God, and we're never adaquate without him. There isn't really a timeline of how 'done' we ought to be at a certain point either. There is no official manual that has a chapter labeled "What You Should Be Able To Handle After Living In Korea For Almost 10 Months." No one is evaluating my progress and judging my worth as a person based on it. No one is writing me a report card circling the numbers in each category and deciding whether I'm behind or not.
Oh yeah, except for me.
And I need to quit it.
So it's ok that I suck at ping pong. It's ok that I think some kimchi is too sour and is gross. It's ok that I can never remember the name of my favorite sauce in Korean and can't understand the doctor. It's ok that I baked those jammy scones a little longer than I should have. It's ok that I am a little boring and talk too much about books to Yoonseo. It's ok. I'm enough. I'm still growing with Jesus, but with him-- I'm enough.
“you are enough.”
these little words, somehow they’re changing us.
“you are enough.”
so we let our shadows fall away like dust.
when we grew up,
our shadows grew up too.
but they’re just old ghosts
that we grow attached to.
the tragic flaw is that they hide the truth
that you’re enough.
I promise you’re enough.
I promise you’re enough, I promise you.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
February!
Song of the day is the Olympic Theme. Because it's that time of year. Guess who wrote it? John Williams. I like the fact that the Olympics theme came from the same mind that composed for Star Wars. So have a listen: Olympics Fanfare and Theme.
Speaking of Olympics, we just had a little competition of our own at Connexus this past Friday. The Friday before we had each class create their own flag and country name. Trying to get four kids to coordinate on a design was a doozer of a task in many of the classes, but in the end we came up with some great flags and great team names. I had a Frozen Castle team among my bunch, but the other teachers had some even greater ones: Eat the Rainbow, Freedom Dragons, Parkour Generation, Crystal Republic, Music Ghosts etc.
Heather came up with five events:
* a bobsled race (push an ice cube with your nose)
* a biathalon (knock over a bottle with a ball/ hit a target with a rubber band)
* a baton relay (featuring a rubber chicken)/Clothespin curling (drop a clothespin from under your chin into a cup)
* Chopsticks drop (picking up little foam squares and transferring them with chopsticks to a bowl as fast as you can)
* Ski dress relay (put on ski clothes and go around box, then take them off and give to the next person)
Each team competed by themselves at each station, getting 5 minutes to get their best time, which they wrote on the official time sheet at the station. They would be able to see the times of the other teams, so the competition was definitely on, but there wasn't as much pressure as if they were competing in the same room.
It was so fun! So many students that usually are grumps on activity day were too busy to complain, and it was really cool to see the kids work together and cheer each other on. My vocal chords were pretty much shot by the end (we later went to karaoke with two of the students, so that didn't help hehehe).
I came away with two bronze medal teams, a silver team and one gold. Let me tell you, for the gold one, I think I was as nervous as the girls in the team...we heard bronze called, then silver, and were thinking we were out of it, but then...dun dun dun! We screamed pretty loud. The day was exhausting, but everyone loved it.
Other important connexus news is the in-progress review/enrichment month being added at the end of all Backpack units. We've noticed that there are quite a few classes and many individual students that are being pushed along into higher levels when they are not ready. Case-in -oint would be one of my students who is about to move into an advanced beginner level and still is unable to read.
Since the Blue and Yellow levels are in the most urgent need for review curriculum, we're focusing on those first. My current Blue 9 class will be the first to try it out, so I have been responsible for creating most of the plan...yikes! I am a little nervous to try it out, since it's all on me, but at the same time, because it's so flexible, I feel like it will be ok to drastically change the plan too...it's the test run after all.
I have another Blue class that is only one level behind the one that is doing the review month next month, so as soon as I finish teaching the review month, I will teach it again, so I am hoping that I will be able to work out most of the kinks in these two months. It's great to finally be doing something to try to help the kids get caught up, because it's been a problem for a while. So here's hoping!
Outside of Connexus, I haven't done many new things...something I would like to change! Routine is good, but not when you start to forget what you did the last couple weeks because they all run together.
Two weeks ago I started something new: a language exchange! A Korean friend of Anna's was interested in doing a language exchange, so I met her two sundays ago and we talked for two hours, about 40% English, 60% in Korean...It was so wonderful! Usually I end up not trying to speak Korean on a daily basis because it takes me a while to say what I want to say, and I feel like people don't have time or are a little annoyed at having to wait so long, so I just speak English. But at the language exchange, Jieun waited for as long as I needed, so I realized that I actually can communicate (maybe not completely correctly, but understandably) lots of things I didn't know I could--I just never got the chance to try! It was a really neat time, and I hope I can do it more regularly.
And, now I will have a little more time than expected to do some of the fun things/studying I wanted to do while here...I will most likely be staying until the end of July now, because of the unavailability of most of the teachers applying before the fall. To come at the beginning of June is really soon for most people who are applying now, because they'd like the summer to visit family or whatnot, not to mention the lengthy visa application process. So, I'm added around 2 months on to the end of my time.
I'm actually feeling good about that--it was kind of scary to think that I only had three months left actually; time goes so quickly here that I knew that it was going to feel like the blink of an eye. I'm glad now for the chance to have a bit more time, and also be thinking about how to use it wisely. Busan and Jeju are still on my list of places to go.
I guess those are the most recent developments! a little long and dull, I apologize. You can just scroll to the bottom for the quotes... :-p
Thanks for reading!
Community News:
* End of January marked the first batch of online report cards. We are moving up in the tehno world! seriously, it turned a 6 hour job into a 2.5-3 hour job. Typing for the win!
* This February marked 100 days for little Aurie, and 100 days together for me and Yoonseo. Hooray for special days!
* We're official wedding singers! The Connexus crew and KOPI/NARPI are singing the wedding songs at Sarah Jill and Jong's wedding. We practiced a bit and already we are sounding super. Not to brag or anything....
* Two new female KOPI interns, Minjung and Angela, will be moving into our old apartment building soon! Good old 백유동산 is still a part of the community.
Quotes from the Community:
Yoonseo: "This soup is good..Can you give me some more juice--more brenda?"
Abby: "Broth?"
Yoonseo: "Yes, what a beautiful name."
"I'm never being sarcastic."--Anna.
Watching speedskating...
"Can they use this ice for patbingsoo after? Put down red beans and everyone eat together?"-Yoonseo.
"Kevin--I mean, Michael--"--Heather
"Now I know who you really love!"--Michael.
Abby: "How do you feel about the muppets?"
Yoonseo: "I want to drink soju with them one time."
Yoonseo: "You know, my nickname was Apple."
Abby: "I thought you said it was Strawberry?"
Yoonseo: "That's for the Spring."
Quotes from the Classroom:
We were talking about the Olympics in my newly moved up 3:30 Blue 8 class, and Hyesu told me, "Teacher, in 2018, Olympics in Pyongchang!" So I asked them how old they would be, and this began a hilarious conversation. They told me that they would be 15 and 16. After agreeing that this was pretty old, they then asked me,
"Teacher, how old? 29!"
"Oh man, so old. Maybe I will come to Korea and see the Olympics then."
"Teacher....29...so wedding?"
"Oh maybe. You want to come?"
"Yes! and wedding 축하 (congratulation song?) is 'F is for Fred!"
"Oh good idea, you can come to my wedding and sing all the Backpack songs for me!"
*they begin a run down of their Backpack repetoire until I decide it's time to actually study...hahaha*
Abby: Who is your favorite character in "The Princess and the Pea?"
Yoochan: Pea.
"My favorite animal is a beach alligator."--Daniel
Cindy: "What does 'noticed' mean?"
Abby: "It means something like, 'You see and know for the first time.'"
Susan: "Oh...like, 'I noticed I don't have a dog'?"
"When girls take off glasses they are pretty, but when boys take off glasses they are more ugly."--Susan and Eileen. Typical. They can be really hilarious and so shallow at the same time.
"Raphael...stand down."--Daniel. I think he meant 'sit,' but they both were appropriate in the situation.
Speaking of Olympics, we just had a little competition of our own at Connexus this past Friday. The Friday before we had each class create their own flag and country name. Trying to get four kids to coordinate on a design was a doozer of a task in many of the classes, but in the end we came up with some great flags and great team names. I had a Frozen Castle team among my bunch, but the other teachers had some even greater ones: Eat the Rainbow, Freedom Dragons, Parkour Generation, Crystal Republic, Music Ghosts etc.
Heather came up with five events:
* a bobsled race (push an ice cube with your nose)
* a biathalon (knock over a bottle with a ball/ hit a target with a rubber band)
* a baton relay (featuring a rubber chicken)/Clothespin curling (drop a clothespin from under your chin into a cup)
* Chopsticks drop (picking up little foam squares and transferring them with chopsticks to a bowl as fast as you can)
* Ski dress relay (put on ski clothes and go around box, then take them off and give to the next person)
Each team competed by themselves at each station, getting 5 minutes to get their best time, which they wrote on the official time sheet at the station. They would be able to see the times of the other teams, so the competition was definitely on, but there wasn't as much pressure as if they were competing in the same room.
It was so fun! So many students that usually are grumps on activity day were too busy to complain, and it was really cool to see the kids work together and cheer each other on. My vocal chords were pretty much shot by the end (we later went to karaoke with two of the students, so that didn't help hehehe).
I came away with two bronze medal teams, a silver team and one gold. Let me tell you, for the gold one, I think I was as nervous as the girls in the team...we heard bronze called, then silver, and were thinking we were out of it, but then...dun dun dun! We screamed pretty loud. The day was exhausting, but everyone loved it.
Other important connexus news is the in-progress review/enrichment month being added at the end of all Backpack units. We've noticed that there are quite a few classes and many individual students that are being pushed along into higher levels when they are not ready. Case-in -oint would be one of my students who is about to move into an advanced beginner level and still is unable to read.
Since the Blue and Yellow levels are in the most urgent need for review curriculum, we're focusing on those first. My current Blue 9 class will be the first to try it out, so I have been responsible for creating most of the plan...yikes! I am a little nervous to try it out, since it's all on me, but at the same time, because it's so flexible, I feel like it will be ok to drastically change the plan too...it's the test run after all.
I have another Blue class that is only one level behind the one that is doing the review month next month, so as soon as I finish teaching the review month, I will teach it again, so I am hoping that I will be able to work out most of the kinks in these two months. It's great to finally be doing something to try to help the kids get caught up, because it's been a problem for a while. So here's hoping!
Outside of Connexus, I haven't done many new things...something I would like to change! Routine is good, but not when you start to forget what you did the last couple weeks because they all run together.
Two weeks ago I started something new: a language exchange! A Korean friend of Anna's was interested in doing a language exchange, so I met her two sundays ago and we talked for two hours, about 40% English, 60% in Korean...It was so wonderful! Usually I end up not trying to speak Korean on a daily basis because it takes me a while to say what I want to say, and I feel like people don't have time or are a little annoyed at having to wait so long, so I just speak English. But at the language exchange, Jieun waited for as long as I needed, so I realized that I actually can communicate (maybe not completely correctly, but understandably) lots of things I didn't know I could--I just never got the chance to try! It was a really neat time, and I hope I can do it more regularly.
And, now I will have a little more time than expected to do some of the fun things/studying I wanted to do while here...I will most likely be staying until the end of July now, because of the unavailability of most of the teachers applying before the fall. To come at the beginning of June is really soon for most people who are applying now, because they'd like the summer to visit family or whatnot, not to mention the lengthy visa application process. So, I'm added around 2 months on to the end of my time.
I'm actually feeling good about that--it was kind of scary to think that I only had three months left actually; time goes so quickly here that I knew that it was going to feel like the blink of an eye. I'm glad now for the chance to have a bit more time, and also be thinking about how to use it wisely. Busan and Jeju are still on my list of places to go.
I guess those are the most recent developments! a little long and dull, I apologize. You can just scroll to the bottom for the quotes... :-p
Thanks for reading!
Community News:
* End of January marked the first batch of online report cards. We are moving up in the tehno world! seriously, it turned a 6 hour job into a 2.5-3 hour job. Typing for the win!
* This February marked 100 days for little Aurie, and 100 days together for me and Yoonseo. Hooray for special days!
* We're official wedding singers! The Connexus crew and KOPI/NARPI are singing the wedding songs at Sarah Jill and Jong's wedding. We practiced a bit and already we are sounding super. Not to brag or anything....
* Two new female KOPI interns, Minjung and Angela, will be moving into our old apartment building soon! Good old 백유동산 is still a part of the community.
Quotes from the Community:
Yoonseo: "This soup is good..Can you give me some more juice--more brenda?"
Abby: "Broth?"
Yoonseo: "Yes, what a beautiful name."
"I'm never being sarcastic."--Anna.
Watching speedskating...
"Can they use this ice for patbingsoo after? Put down red beans and everyone eat together?"-Yoonseo.
"Kevin--I mean, Michael--"--Heather
"Now I know who you really love!"--Michael.
Abby: "How do you feel about the muppets?"
Yoonseo: "I want to drink soju with them one time."
Yoonseo: "You know, my nickname was Apple."
Abby: "I thought you said it was Strawberry?"
Yoonseo: "That's for the Spring."
Quotes from the Classroom:
We were talking about the Olympics in my newly moved up 3:30 Blue 8 class, and Hyesu told me, "Teacher, in 2018, Olympics in Pyongchang!" So I asked them how old they would be, and this began a hilarious conversation. They told me that they would be 15 and 16. After agreeing that this was pretty old, they then asked me,
"Teacher, how old? 29!"
"Oh man, so old. Maybe I will come to Korea and see the Olympics then."
"Teacher....29...so wedding?"
"Oh maybe. You want to come?"
"Yes! and wedding 축하 (congratulation song?) is 'F is for Fred!"
"Oh good idea, you can come to my wedding and sing all the Backpack songs for me!"
*they begin a run down of their Backpack repetoire until I decide it's time to actually study...hahaha*
Abby: Who is your favorite character in "The Princess and the Pea?"
Yoochan: Pea.
"My favorite animal is a beach alligator."--Daniel
Cindy: "What does 'noticed' mean?"
Abby: "It means something like, 'You see and know for the first time.'"
Susan: "Oh...like, 'I noticed I don't have a dog'?"
"When girls take off glasses they are pretty, but when boys take off glasses they are more ugly."--Susan and Eileen. Typical. They can be really hilarious and so shallow at the same time.
"Raphael...stand down."--Daniel. I think he meant 'sit,' but they both were appropriate in the situation.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Lunar New Year
Have a listen to this song by Rooftop Moonlight. It's been stuck in my head for a few days, so hopefully it gets stuck in yours! 정말 고마워서 만든 노래 (Thank You So Much).
February 1! A new year again, this time according to the moon. I suppose since I forgot to make any New Year;s resolutions on January 1, I can make them now. I don't have many:
1. Get to know my best friend better. That's right, some serious Jesus time.
2. Learn. to. speak. Korean. gosh . darnit.
3. Have some marvelous adventures with marvelous people.
I've started on number three already, actually! This past weekend I visited Ganghwado, an island to the west that is only a few kilometers from North Korea. Kate and I went with Sarah, who graciously organized the whole thing. We didn't have a packed schedule, mostly going to the Peace Observatory and checking out some other things as we felt like it.
Visiting the Peace Observatory was both a really neat and an odd experience. It has a fantastic view of a the North Korean village...some of which is fake, but there are people who live there too. We could see them through binoculars, on their bicycles, a family or friends gathered in front of a house. Just normal things. On a holiday like Seollal when Koreans usually are with family, it was sad to think that there were some families that were still divided, on either side of a river that was only a few kilometers wide physically, but much further in reality.
While looking at the village, I thought how strange it was...there was a probably a bird somewhere who lived in North Korea and flew across the river to South Korea whenever she liked to get some food or look for sticks in a new place, going and coming freely. How many older Koreans with siblings and cousins across the divide can only dream of that for themselves and their families. May God grant it in their lifetimes.
Our pension was on the other side of the island, so it took a little while by bus to get there, but it was very quaint and comfy, in the slightly tacky way of every pension-y place I've been to here so far. We played Dutch Blitz, and Phase 10 and Banagrams, which I lost, but was pretty pumped to be able to play the words "pidgeons" and "prenatal." We slept in pretty late the next morning, which was of course glorious, and then the pension owner gave us a ride to the rocky beach area next to the bus stop we were headed to. The weather was very overcast, and it was a little windy, so the rocky beach was putting me in mind of visit to Cramond island in Scotland. Wild places everywhere have a taste of each other.
While on the rock beach just enjoying some nature without frills or loudspeakers, we were talking about how it was being a kid and how we feel nostaligic for it. Sarah mentioned that she wished she could experience life like a child does, which is to simply do and not think about experiencing it. So many times as adults, we have marvelous moments, just as marvelous as ones that we had as children, but unlike our childhood moments, we are aware of how special they are. We make a mental note to treasure them, to savor them. Not that doing that is wrong or not important, but sometimes it can seem like you're taking pictures all the time and forgetting to look out from behind the camera and just see it as it is. I hope I can do that more this year.
We arrived at the old Anglican church just as the rain started to come down hard. It was built in 1900 and is one of the oldest in Korea. It is also one of the only churches I have seen so far built in a traditional Korean style, with the beautiful red and turquoise wood and concave roof. I was talking with Karen later about it, and she mentioned how it seemed that older church traditions, like Anglicanism and Catholocism seem to often times do a better job of taking on the architecture of the countries and areas where they are present. Probably because those faith styles traditionally have taken the space or building used for services into account as an important part of the worship experience, thus building in such a way as to communicate the importance of the place to the people who will worship there. We weren't able to go inside the church at the time we visited, but someday I would like to go there on a Sunday morning.
So, it was a fantastic vacation! I feel very refreshed, ready to finish off the Connexus month well.
Community News:
* This month is our first month of doing the report cards on the computer! huzzah to digitalization.
* We're also hoping to begin discussions about adding an enrichment month into the curriculum year to help the kids who are struggling have a time for review and give the kids who are doing well a chance to do some new and fun projects.
* We are starting the process of interviewing new teachers! Only problem is...there aren't many applicants. If you know anyone interested, or you are interested yourself, contact me!
Quotes from the Community:
"My face is so close to my face."--Kate experiences the last-elevator-down squish next to the mirror.
Yoonseo: "Did you finish that Uptown Girl thing?"
Me: "Downton Abbey?"
Yoonseo: "I think Yongjin got more handsome after drinking American water."
Yongjin: "I did drink a lot of water."
Thanks for reading!
-Abby
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